Like anything good in life, strong and long-lasting relationships require hard work and constant effort from both parties. But, in fact, things are not as scary as they may appear at first glance.
As scientists have discovered, there are only two basic traits that define happy relationships. These are the traits that all of us should adopt in our personal lives — kindness and generosity.
Having conducted decades of research on thousands of couples, psychologists John and Julie Gottman have found that kindness ’glues couples together.’ Along with emotional stability, this trait is the most important factor in successful marriages.
The hardest time to practice kindness is, of course, when you get into an argument with your partner. But this is also the moment when it is the most important time to be kind. Letting your anger and aggression out can cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
’Kindness doesn’t mean that we don’t express our anger, but the kindness informs how we choose to express the anger. You can throw spears at your partner. Or you can explain why you’re hurt and angry, and that’s the kinder path,’ Julie Gottman explained.