The nine crucial establishments of a cheerful relationship

We found this blog post about the nature of successful relationships, and just had to share it with you. Of course, this is just one person’s opinion, and some of us might disagree with various things they have to say, but every point here is well worth contemplating. We hope that someone out there might find it even helps them in their search for love.

01

Similarity

We always attract a certain kind of person — more often than not, it’s someone who in essence is very similar to us in certain fundamental ways. If you’re not happy with being with the people around you, look into your soul. If you think you’re lucky to have the friends that you do, then the chances are they’re lucky to have you. The same principle works with regards to romantic relationships — if you want to find the perfect partner, strive to be as perfect as you possibly can as an individual, as a friend, as a lover.

Cause and effect

It’s a phrase used far too often, but it nevertheless remains true: what you get out of life depends on how much effort and feeling you put into it. And this can be applied to relationships as much as anything else. Make the effort to be as caring, attentive, patient, kind and loving as you can to your partner as much as (and indeed, more than) you know you should be with your family, and you’ll find you’re relationship is so much better. Never take them for granted.

Love

We are all in great need of love. It’s the most important thing in life which we all long for in a variety of forms, not least of which is that provided by a serious relationship. Love means acceptance, sincerity, tenderness, care, a willingness to give your all and to take responsibility, as well as reliability, generosity, selflessness and a whole number of other things. It’s everything we hope for in life for ourselves and the sum total of what we want to offer another human being. The more we display these characteristics in our relationship, the more we find a way to express our love for them, the more we’ll get back — spiritually and physically. Such traits as fear, jealousy, dependency, manipulation, control and selfishness destroy a relationship and have nothing in common with genuine feelings of love.

The Power of Words

All words have an effect. A single word or phrase can either heal wounded feelings or destroy all hope and affection. Be conscious of what you say and how you say it. Lashing out and attempts to deliberately offends someone create little wounds in a person’s heart which don’t heal very fast. They can have an irreversible effect. In each one of us there’s still an inner child which is terrified of rejection. Be aware of how easily you can hurt that little child which resides in your partner. Use the power of words to express only affection, trust, approval and support whenever you can.

Trust

Trust is vitally important to all our relationships. Without a feeling of trust, a person becomes trapped in a prison of suspicion, anxiety and fear. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust the other can suffocate both partners. Remember that jealousy is an expression of the fear of being alone which has no place in a relationship, as well as of low self-esteem. Trust is the cornerstone of all truly loving relationships. If it is something you struggle with because of prior experiences, you either take the chance with someone and let them help you to overcome your difficulties, or find a way to overcome it before committing to something serious. There’s no other way around it.

Honesty and Sincerity

Be sincere. Love is something that doesn’t exist in static form; it behaves like a plant — either growing and flourishing or withering and dying, depending on the behaviour of both partners. Everything depends on our actions and behaviour. Sincerity and honesty are like water without which our love cannot have any hope of surviving and growing. A real, successful relationship has to involve both partners expressing their wishes, desires, thoughts and feelings openly. And above all, letting the other side know how much you value and love them. Never be afraid to say ’I love you’. If the words appear in your head and on your lips, it means they’re real. Those three words are like a day’s worth of sunlight to a plant, giving an individual the strength to keep going whatever else is going on.

Giving

Love means to give a part of yourself to another, without any reservations and without expectation of ever getting anything back. If you want to feel love, you have to feel the need to give it as well. Love is like a boomerang — it always comes back to you. And you’ll be more than satisfied when it does. Moreover, remember that the reserves of love in each individual are endless, bottomless, timeless. We don’t use anything up when we give our all to another individual. The only way love will disappear from your heart is if you fail to give it to another. One of the reasons some people never experience love is because they’re waiting for another person to come along and love them ’first’. But this is like a musician who declares that they will only begin playing their instrument when those around them start dancing. Real love is expressed instantaneously, selflessly, at the same time as you receive it from another. One of the foundations of any loving relationship is the understanding that it’s not about what you want to take, but about what you want to give.

Touch

Physical contact is one of the most powerful manifestations of love which strengthens our bond with our partner. To feel someone physically means to achieve an incomparably close emotional connection. Maybe that’s the reason people say ’Don’t touch me!’ when their partner has offended them. But we’re not just talking about intimacy here. Embracing your partner, holding their hand, kissing them on the forehead, is equally important in terms of maintaining that special bond. Never shy away from it.

Freedom

To love someone means to be ready and wiling to give them the freedom they desire. The freedom to make their own decisions based on what their heart tells them; the freedom to live as they want and feel comfortable doing so — and not as we want them to. Every single person needs a certain amount of personal space; we all remain to some extent individuals, after all, even in the most loving relationships. If a person doesn’t find that freedom within their relationship, they can end up feeling that they’re stuck in a trap. To genuinely love someone means to respect their wishes and needs. It may not always be easy, but there’s no other way around it if you want you relationship to survive and flourish. And ultimately, the more freedom we allow our partner, the more free we will feel ourselves.
Source: M. Murakhovskaya
Preview photo credit: Ivan Troyanovsky

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